Grandma is done and gone

Grandma Lee's grand-daughter came Tuesday night, and stayed at the nursing home with her gram from then until about 7 in the morning, when she we home for  a little while to shower and get a few hours' sleep. I arrived at 10:45, fully intending to stay two or three hours and then go home. However, it was very clear that Lee was coming near her end, so I waited for Grand-Daughter to arrive somewhere around 1:30 (if I recall correctly--time blurs).

She sat near the head of the bed and held her grandmother's hand non-stop. I was on the other side, near the foot, and rested my hand gently on Lee's lower leg. We talked to Lee, we talked about old times, we talked about life since we'd spent real time together last--which has been many years. I always had strong maternal feelings for Grand-Daughter. Her own mother was/is a case, her father (whom I loved at one time) ineffectual and sad, her Grandma Lee was the solid place in her world. They were each others' lights.

We sat there for hours, chatting, laughing, sharing, and including Lee in the conversation. If you'd been watching, it might have looked strange, because she clearly was not "sitting at the table". However, every once in a while we'd talk about something that had emotional meaning to her, and Grand-Daughter would see a few tears fall from her right eye. The hospice nurses told us that hearing is the last sense to go, so we think she really was listening to us.

I've never been in the room when someone died before. The hospice nurse gave us an idea of what to expect in terms of physical changes as she neared the end, so we knew when she was in the final stage.  Grand-Daughter kissed Grandma's hand, and cried, and spoke about her love. We both told her how much we appreciated all she'd done for us, and how much she was loved, and that she deserved to rest now.

Lee's breathing had been a little fast when I arrived. Now she was trying to take deep breaths, but clearly couldn't fill her lungs. The breaths became fewer, and irregular; she'd pull in three or four, and then it would stop...so long we thought she was done, but 30 seconds later another group of straining breaths; then another lull. Subjectively, it seemed to go on forever, but I think it was probably about 6 or 7 minutes of this.

Finally, there just wasn't another breath. Grand-Daughter said, "It's been a long time since the last one." I said, "Yeah, I've been watching the counter on the stereo, and it's been about 2 minutes. She's gone. I'm pretty sure. I'll go get the nurse." I went out in the hall and grabbed the first nurse I found to let her know that Grandma has passed. She hung up her cell phone call and went running to find an RN. I went back in the room and sat back down. Grand-Daughter hadn't moved. She was just looking at her Gram.

We started talking again while we waited. A man wearing khakis and a polo shirt and carrying a Bible came in the room. He introduced himself as one of the chaplains. I don't know whether he just reminded me of an actor who's in horror movies a lot, or what--he's compact, not much taller than me, dark wavy hair, metrosexual-tidy--I thought he was a little strange from the get-go.

Grand-Daughter and I introduced ourselves, and he started to talk about how he and "Sister" Lee had spent many good times talking about Jesus and the better world to come. That irritated me a bit. I know Lee, and what probably happened was she was glad to have anyone stop to talk with her, so he preached, and she sat there and nodded her head a lot so he wouldn't leave. She was a Christian, but not a church-goer, or a very specific type of Christian. This guy was a card-carrying bible banger. She probably rolled her eyes when he left after one of their conversations.

Anyway, without asking us any questions, he walked past me to lean over Lee's head, still babbling on about walking hand in hand with Lord Jesus and such, and then he stopped. He stood there, looking down at her, and said, "hmmmmmmmmmm." Beat, beat, beat, beat.  "Hmmmmmmmmmmm." Beat, beat, beat. "Ummmm, uhhhhh, is she breathing?" In unison, we answered, "No, she died a half hour ago. We're waiting for the hospice nurse." Then, we turned to each other, talking with our eyes, and what our eyes said was, "CREEEEEPYYYYYY!" And we suddenly were trying not fall into a case of "Inappropriate Giggle Syndrome". How could this guy be a chaplain in a nursing home, and not know what a dead body looks like? I mean, dead-for-a-half-hour, not just-now-expired. I don't know--maybe he's a perfectly nice man who didn't expect to see newly-bereft people chatting quietly rather than sobbing and tearing their hair. Frankly, we'd already met two other chaplains; one from the nursing home, and one from hospice, who were lovely people. They talked to us, got to know a little about us and Lee, and were very tender and loving and respectful in their ministrations. This guy--he was gonna throw Jesus out on the table, and we were all gonna eat it seasoned his way, by golly!

We were both too tired to cut him any slack. Neither of us got up or said more then "Mmm-hmm?" We just watched him as he beat retreat out of the room. And then we looked at each other again, and laughed, and said together, "That was creeeeeepyyyyy."

The hospice nurse finally came, got info, called the mortuary for us, and we left. Neither of us had eaten all day, so we went to a nearby barbecue restaurant called Dillon's. I'd thought it was a steakhouse, for some reason, and had wanted a filet, but the ribs I managed to eat tasted fine, and Grand-Daughter seemed to enjoy her "dip" sandwich. The two of us just couldn't shut up the whole time we were at the restaurant, so the eating was slow.  "Two to-go boxes, please."

We said goodbye in the restaurant parking lot, loosely planning the next day's tasks. I went home and called friend Shana and asked her if she would take me out and get me drunk. Even though she had to get up at 5:30 the next morning for work, she came to get me. I hadn't had a drink in....a month and a half? more?...so after three songs and three mixed drinks at the karaoke bar, I was all sheets to the wind, and Shana poured me home, where I promptly tried to be sick. It didn't happen, but I wished it would. Shana is a good friend. She's a person who will always be there for you whenever you ask. I owe her one for taking such good care of me Tuesday night.

I believe I'll keep my distance from the alcohol again. That therapy didn't feel nearly so good as I remembered. It was just the first thing that came to mind after the very rough day. I wanted to numb up, and all I did was make myself sick.

Mixed blessings

These past few days have been both very good and very sad for me. Life is running down two tracks right now: Track 1 has improved mental health, the burgeoning bead business, and general well-being. Track 2 is Grandma Lee, and that is very sad, indeed.

Today I'll go sign the papers that will allow hospice care to start. She'll still be in the same facility, same room; there will be added services for her and for her family as she moves closer to death. I heard from the nurse on duty Sunday that Lee was refusing to take her medications. She already was refusing food and liquids. I probably would, too. They think she may have aspirated something she drank into her right lung, so she can't have anything through a straw now, and it all has to be thickened. This means she is offered icky boxed nutrient-rich milk shakes, thickened fruit drinks, and pureed foods. She refuses them all--vehemently. Her jaw clamps shut, she turns her head from side to side, and won't swallow.

She is on IV fluids to keep her hydrated, and I think there's glucose in there, too. Not much to keep a body going, even one that lies still in the bed all the time. If she keeps on as she is, she won't last much longer. If she has a change of heart and starts to accept meds (at the very least), she'll be around a while more.

Her grand-daughter is asking me if she's really at the end now, and how long do I think it's going to take... There's no way I can answer that question. Is she a lot nearer the end now? Yes. How long? If the nurses and docs won't guess, how can I?

Later:

The papers are signed, and I had a long talk with the admissions nurse for Hospice Inspiris. If they're all like her, Lee will be in good hands.

She is no longer on IV fluids, and is refusing anything by mouth. How long will she live this way? A few days, maybe. I feel so sad to see her this way.

Grandma Lee's 76th Birthday, May 2010.
Better times.

Karaoke been bery, bery good to me

Took my little jewelry show on the road last night--set up a table at the karaoke bar. There was a lot of interest, although the only people who purchased either had put in requests for certain things in previous weeks, or are friends of mine who probably would have bought something anyway. Although I love that they love my stuff, I don't want all my friends to go broke, so I really need to start selling to strangers.

The turtle necklace went, as did the black obsidian with sapphire blue glass and silver beads. I re-strung the large white lampwork beads on silver, and the lady who bought the turtle bought that, too. The set with bracelet and earrings made with unakite and porcelain beads, and a simple black choker with black beads embellished with copper sold. The purple with silver-plated beads and pendant.

Before I went, I made up an inventory sheet with a photo of the item, the item #, the length, and the price. When there was a sale, I checked it off the list with the date and who bought it. Well, I managed to get it done for everything priced $10 and up, but need to finish the less expensive items.

Six items (sets and individual pieces) sold, so I got back the money for the last beads I purchased. I'm still way behind the eight-ball in overall costs, but we aren't talking thousands of dollars here, either. I need business cards, I need price tags, and I'm going to need more beads. The young man who owns the tattoo parlor down the block from the karaoke bar said he might be interested in putting a display of my wares on consignment in the lobby of their store.

Given that it's a tattoo parlor, I'm going to have to tailor the look more towards their clientele, mostly female, with a predilection for dark colors. I'll cruise their site and some others to see what the people in the photos are wearing.

Speaking of photos, for some reason, blogger isn't letting me upload photos with this post. Will look into that to see how I can get that going again. We need illustrations, Dammit!

New Jewls

Today, I made a new resolution to make three pieces of jewelry a day for the next month. That time includes going back to work, so if I can get ahead of myself that would be a good thing. The goal is to have at least 90 pieces completed by mid-September. There must be inventory if one is to sell, especially given the broad spectrum of style and taste in costume jewelry. I'm learning to make things that don't necessarily suit me, but will be perfect for someone else. Just another step in the process of rediscovering that I am not the Center of the universe, after all.

So, here's what I made today:
(click on any photo for a larger version...use the back button on your browser to return)

#37 - Picture jasper, pewter & glass beads

This necklace is 20 1/2" long, and uses picture jasper, pewter beads, and black glass beads. The style would be appropriate for a male or a female.

20 1/2" necklace - $15

A close look at the patterns in the rock focal piece (1 1/2" x 5/8") shows why it's called picture jasper.

19" necklace and earrings - $12 for the set

#39 - Carnelian, agate and glass beads

This necklace is 19" long and is made of natural carnelian, black agate, and glass beads. The earrings are 1 1/8" long from the top of the silver-plated bead post to the bottom of the dangle.

#41 - Lapis & obsidian with mother of pearl

This 22 1/2" long necklace features a natural lapis triangle-shaped focal piece (1").

It's made of lapis and black obsidian nuggets and chips, mother of pearl chips, and glass beads.

The style is appropriate for either sex.

22 1/2" necklace - $15

#40 - Cut crystal and glass beads - red and black on silver

17 1/2" necklace and 1 1/4" dangle earrings - $10 for the set

This glass and crystal choker (17 1/2") comes with black-glass and crystal dangle earrings.

#38 - Glass with porcelain and crystal beads

This silver-color glass bead 18" necklace includes matched deep-red porcelain beads with a flower motif, and clear cut-crystal beads in between.

The toggle clasp has a decorative pattern embossed on it.

18" necklace and earrings - $10 for the set

Matching lever-back earrings have a 1" dangle.

Earrings - $3 per pair

With the exception of #2 (carnelian), all earrings are made of glass beads. Posts are silver-plated; ear wires are surgical steel.

24 Hours' Worth of New Jewelry

Three from Monday evening

I've been nattering on about getting back into making bead jewelry again, and wanted to show what I've been working on. Here are several I made last evening and tonight.

A customer asked for something with a turtle

This little guy should fit in with many casual styles
19" - $10

 

People can be vague when they are trying to describe what they'd like to have made, especially after about five beers. I do my best.

One man asked if I had anything for guys

He wants something masculine that has "sapphire blue" in it
22" - $15

When the jewelry is set out on display, there are always a couple of guys who come be to look.

In the beginning, I thought they were looking to see if there was anything they might want to buy for a gift for a girlfriend. I soon learned that they were looking for something for themselves. I need to make and stock more masculine styles.


One of those "shoppers" asked if I'd make something for him with "sapphire blue", because sapphire is his birthstone.

Sapphire blue is difficult come by in natural rock, if you don't have the money for actual sapphire.

The first necklace has black obsidian chips and natural lapis.

Second attempt at the masculine necklace with "sapphire blue"
22" - $12

The big piece with lapis looked a little feminine to me, so I tried one that's more "nuggety" for my customer.

The "sapphire" is blue glass.

Those are from last night.

Tonight, I made three smaller pieces, definitely feminine.

17" = $10 set

These are porcelain beads that have an old-fashioned Asian look to them. The color in the photo is a bit misleading. The twisted lengths between the beads are silver-lined clear glass, although they appear more yellow here.

Asian porcelain beads.

Black glass beads on black bugle beads
17 1/2" - $8

Closer view of black glass beads on black. There's a copper motif on the beads

The other two from tonight are both black, but slightly different.

This first one is black with copper motifs on the beads strung with black bugle beads.

Ceramic and glass beads with snowflake obsidian
16 1/2" - $8

Closer view

This last has larger ceramic beads and small black and gold seed beads on a silver twist background.