Fun+Sun+Potluck(with-people-who-cook-well)=Big Belly and more exercise (whip crack!)

The good news: slept well last night and did the 1/2 hour 2 mile WATP routine first thing this morning.

The bad news: between my very low-cal early day and the very-high cal swim party/bbq in honor of a member's birthday, I consumed ~3900 calories (more than two days' worth--oy).

Well, it was a lot of fun with neat people I don't get to see very often. Shana's been made an honorary part of the group, so she'll probably join me when we have activities. Not all of them are as rich-food driven as this one was. For instance, these were the "Saucy Wenches" who entered and performed in the Salsa Challenge to raise money for the Hemophilia Association. There was a lot of physical work involved, and we forgot to eat because it got so busy. Boy! Last night sure evened THAT out.

GrandDaughter said farewell to GL last evening and is in the car returning to Albuquerque as I type. I have just a bit of laundry to bring to the nursing home with me. Don't know what her frame of mind will be. Certainly she'll be sad that GrandDaughter and the kids are gone, but how she'll feel about me, since I made her go back to the same nursing home and she was so mad about it before. Her memory being what it is, she may have forgotten that little set-to already.

Also don't know how she'll take the news that I won't be doing her laundry anymore. Everything depends on her mood at any given time. I'll have to choose the moment to tell her wisely. Once it's over, I'll feel better, even if she gets pissy with me.

Anyway, OS has a lot of his clothes in the dryer which were partially dry when I checked. They're running another cycle, and I'll put them in his hamper (if he isn't already up) so I can run GL's.

I'm pretty sweaty from my "workout" (It's pathetic how out of shape I've become), so will have to shower after the clothes are ready to go. It will be afternoon before I get over there. Since GL seems to have forgotten how to dial my phone number, I will call to let her know I'm coming.

The Daily Whine

It was 90F when I left the house to walk to the store at 8:30 this morning. Welcome to Phoenix in the summertime.

Aside from other unhappy side effects, depression + anxiety = cravings. I'm trying to fight them, or at least substitute healthier choices, but it seems a massive task when piled on top of the other issues at hand.

How is it possible that EVERYTHING is top priority? Everyone says, "Take care of you first." Well, those people don't have an old lady to look after, a grown son living in their home, and a crazy work environment. Well, what do I not do?

OS is in a difficult situation and trying to get a handle on it and move ahead. I have to leave him alone to work out his business and financial plans, but find it difficult to butt out when we share the same house.

Grandma Lee is going bonkers, and once her granddaughter goes home tomorrow, will have no one to make sure she's taken care of properly, visit her, and so on if I'm not there.

I guess I can hand back doing her laundry to the nursing home, although I know they won't be as careful with it as I am. Stuff gets lost all the time, and she finds that disconcerting, to say the least. Still, I'm responsible to make sure her finances are handled properly, sign papers for various reasons.

Yes, I'll talk to her about that on Sunday...maybe she still has enough marbles left that I can tell her it's all too much for me.

Work--I have little control over that except to go in and do my tasks every day, and try to shut out all the other stuff going on around me. I wish I had a little room to work in, or they'd let me telecommute. Every time I think about going back, my throat closes up and my hands start to shake again.

It isn't entirely about the current political environment in the company. I'm doing the work of three people, have told my boss I can't keep it up, and been told it needs to be done and to hold on until he can find a way to get the program(s) I'm handling assigned to the appropriate departments.

That's just dandy, but everything has to hold fire until executive management reveals (or decides) what the company structure will be and who will be in charge of what. So we all hang in limbo, pounding away, trying to get things done and hoping something will be done sometime to solidify roles and responsibilities to some extent.

I understand that the business world is fluid, and the company is adjusting to it, but we drones in the workforce are the ones at the end of the line in Crack The Whip. I feel like I'm about to be snapped off the end and into space. The guys at the top of the ladder make their million or so, and have golden parachutes to make it easier for them to make decisions that affect the lives of thousands of workers.

If I thought they cared, it might be easier to take, but the new bunch on the 20th floor are strictly bottom-line. We are not people to them--we are "workforce". While they whack away at staffing and budgets to make Wall Street happy, here I am worried about whether I'll be able to hold on for the next year, at minimum, and until retirement age, optimally.

They get to screw around with the company and our lives for their five years or so, and leave us in our mess as they leave with millions in stock options. Hired guns. How can you respect that?  The answer is, they don't care whether or not we respect them, because we are expendable. So long as we fear losing our jobs enough, they can make us dance to their tune. If we don't there are always 100 people waiting in line to step in. Well, in my case, they'd need three of the 100. If the economy was better, I'd be gone at the end of February. Twenty years in, and gone somewhere I might be treated as a person.

I'd like to see one of them do my job for a week.

So, who cares, Sue?

---

Did WATP Muscle Mile first thing this morning. There wasn't as much perspiration this time, so maybe I'm ready to move up to the next level. Figured get it out of the way before the couch potato syndrome kicked in.

A man from the City of Glendale pounded on the front door at 7:30 this morning to inform me that the water will be shut off from 8 to 10 am. Good that 1) I was already awake, and 2) all my water pitchers and ice cube trays were full, and, um, most personal activities were already completed.

OS, however, had not been awake, and came stumbling out of his room to find out what the heck was going on. I explained, and he went back to bed. Now, someone is using a jackhammer on the pavement right outside his bedroom window. Can't imagine that is very pleasant for him. What's the matter with those people? Don't they know he didn't fall asleep until 3 am? The nerve!

Still no noise from the GL front, so I'm going on the assumption that everything is okay. Actually, I've decided my only concern is that they will try to get GL to revoke my POA and change her will back. I'm the executor of the will, but GrandDaughter and her kids get everything after final expenses are paid. The only change made was that her son is no longer the executor.

Good luck to them if they try to do that...dementia has clearly set in with a vengeance, and nothing she signs now will carry any legal weight.

After a week with her, they aren't going to want to take on what I've been doing for the last year, anyway. Whatever...they have a good deal and ought to be grateful for it.

Calorie intake for yesterday was higher than I wanted, but an overwhelming desire for sweets took over about 8:30. At least I was able to direct it toward fruit and something relatively low-cal with calcium in it. After the last DEXA scan, I'm taking every opportunity to have calcium-rich foods in addition to the horse-pill-size supplements twice a day with my multi-vitamin and glucosamine chondroitin (did I spell that right?). Even though I take everything with food, combined with my other meds, I sound like a maraca if I move too quickly right afterward.

From yesterday...gotta keep up

It's after 9 am and there haven't been any calls or texts, yet. I'm overwhelmingly curious about how things went, but also grateful that someone else is carrying the load this week. It's a little like parents going out for the evening for the first time after their baby is born..."should we call the babysitter just to make sure everything is all right?" No. I'm not going to call. This week is theirs. If someone needs me, the phone will ring, believe me.

Oops

Forgot to post yesterday...
Friday evening, I went to see GL in the hospital and then came home and went on a major eating binge. The list is ridiculous, so it won't be posted here. Suffice it to say, at least 1000 calories were consumed between 9:30 pm and 2 am.

She is still in the hospital, and likely won't be released until tomorrow. Today I've been to see her, gone to the to nursing home to put away her clean clothes (and pick up another load), and make sure no one has "stolen her stuffed animals". Oh, went to Sprouts to buy healthy stuff to eat, too. That's put away, and the dishwasher is running, so my work is done for the day unless I feel like doing more.

So, here's the good news: her granddaughter is driving here from Albuquerque with the great-grandkids to spend a week. She will also get her father to go talk to his mother. The daughter-in-law is to be left at home, as GL hates her with a passion. Seeing her would only set off unnecessary and unfortunate fireworks.

Nothing could make me happier than seeing her make peace with her son. Granddaughter is taking an active hand in that. As she put it, "If he doesn't do this now, he'll regret it the rest of his life." That girl gets smarter all the time. At the rate GL's mind is deteriorating, who knows how much longer she'll be able to recognize and understand them and enjoy their company. If they're going to have quality time together, this may be their last chance.

My short-term disability approval came through. After two nights of minimal sleep, I believe I will finally rest tonight.

It's easy to see why I need the time and medical attention. As I opened the envelopes, my hands started to shake to the point where I almost couldn't hold on to them. Seeing the approval caused tears (gee, the first today...wonder if I'll match the tally for yesterday), and some confusion about paperwork. I'll have to call them tomorrow to ask specifically what I'm supposed to do with each page.

It's difficult to follow written or verbal instructions unless I go over every detail slowly. Otherwise, it all gets muddled and goes out of my head. There are sticky notes all over the house, including on my purse so I don't forget to take things with me when I go, and make stops where something has to be done. My mind just doesn't work this way, usually. I know what it feels like to go senile now. Not good.

There are times when I think it wouldn't be good for me to drive, so I don't. Other times I'm clearer, and do just fine.

Later:

Before heading over there, GrandDaughter texted me to say the nurses at PDR said GL wouldn't drink, eat, or pick up the phone. She asked me if she ought to bring some food with her. I told her Burger King onion rings and/or cinnamon graham crackers, and diet Mountain Dew. If GL won't eat those, she won't eat anything.

Sheesh! What a weekend!