Thursday

A man from the funeral home called me early yesterday morning; they needed papers signed to authorize the cremation and get the insurance company to pay for the services.

After I got there, it turns out there was one piece of paper that she'd filled out in 2004 when she prepaid the services that had never been shown to me. That named her son as the person who could sign to authorize the cremation. Ugh. We thought we had it all covered so he wouldn't need to be involved in the "business side" of all this.

Called Grand-daughter, she got him moving, and they both showed up within a half hour. I hadn't seen this man for more than 10 years. At one time, I had loved him madly. He looked so different; old and tired. He's only a year and a half older than I, but he has not been kind to himself.

I guess because of the unpleasantness that triggered my involvement in the whole Grandma Lee situation, he didn't know how I was going to treat him. He wouldn't look at  me as they walked toward the building from his truck. I just held out my arms to him and said, "Come on...hug me." And he did. We went inside, and the papers were all signed, including verifying the information to go on the death certificate.

We all drove over to the nursing home, where we very quickly went through Lee's things, donating clothing, shampoo and stuff, and packing up the rest.  Lee's son took most of it in his truck, and Grand-Daughter and I headed down to a mall in Tempe to see if we could find something she could use as an urn without having to shell out hundreds of dollars.

We shopped and talked, found some items we needed personally, and then finally found a lovely ceramic container to hold Lee's ashes until her grand-daughter is ready to spread them in the mountains. Once again, we realized that neither of us had eaten all day, and hit Joe's Crab Shack before I dropped her off back at her father's house.

Because he lives fairly close to our karaoke hangout, I stopped by to say hello to my friends for a little while. Drank water and didn't sing--it just felt good to be around friends.

Slept very well on Thursday night.

Grandma is done and gone

Grandma Lee's grand-daughter came Tuesday night, and stayed at the nursing home with her gram from then until about 7 in the morning, when she we home for  a little while to shower and get a few hours' sleep. I arrived at 10:45, fully intending to stay two or three hours and then go home. However, it was very clear that Lee was coming near her end, so I waited for Grand-Daughter to arrive somewhere around 1:30 (if I recall correctly--time blurs).

She sat near the head of the bed and held her grandmother's hand non-stop. I was on the other side, near the foot, and rested my hand gently on Lee's lower leg. We talked to Lee, we talked about old times, we talked about life since we'd spent real time together last--which has been many years. I always had strong maternal feelings for Grand-Daughter. Her own mother was/is a case, her father (whom I loved at one time) ineffectual and sad, her Grandma Lee was the solid place in her world. They were each others' lights.

We sat there for hours, chatting, laughing, sharing, and including Lee in the conversation. If you'd been watching, it might have looked strange, because she clearly was not "sitting at the table". However, every once in a while we'd talk about something that had emotional meaning to her, and Grand-Daughter would see a few tears fall from her right eye. The hospice nurses told us that hearing is the last sense to go, so we think she really was listening to us.

I've never been in the room when someone died before. The hospice nurse gave us an idea of what to expect in terms of physical changes as she neared the end, so we knew when she was in the final stage.  Grand-Daughter kissed Grandma's hand, and cried, and spoke about her love. We both told her how much we appreciated all she'd done for us, and how much she was loved, and that she deserved to rest now.

Lee's breathing had been a little fast when I arrived. Now she was trying to take deep breaths, but clearly couldn't fill her lungs. The breaths became fewer, and irregular; she'd pull in three or four, and then it would stop...so long we thought she was done, but 30 seconds later another group of straining breaths; then another lull. Subjectively, it seemed to go on forever, but I think it was probably about 6 or 7 minutes of this.

Finally, there just wasn't another breath. Grand-Daughter said, "It's been a long time since the last one." I said, "Yeah, I've been watching the counter on the stereo, and it's been about 2 minutes. She's gone. I'm pretty sure. I'll go get the nurse." I went out in the hall and grabbed the first nurse I found to let her know that Grandma has passed. She hung up her cell phone call and went running to find an RN. I went back in the room and sat back down. Grand-Daughter hadn't moved. She was just looking at her Gram.

We started talking again while we waited. A man wearing khakis and a polo shirt and carrying a Bible came in the room. He introduced himself as one of the chaplains. I don't know whether he just reminded me of an actor who's in horror movies a lot, or what--he's compact, not much taller than me, dark wavy hair, metrosexual-tidy--I thought he was a little strange from the get-go.

Grand-Daughter and I introduced ourselves, and he started to talk about how he and "Sister" Lee had spent many good times talking about Jesus and the better world to come. That irritated me a bit. I know Lee, and what probably happened was she was glad to have anyone stop to talk with her, so he preached, and she sat there and nodded her head a lot so he wouldn't leave. She was a Christian, but not a church-goer, or a very specific type of Christian. This guy was a card-carrying bible banger. She probably rolled her eyes when he left after one of their conversations.

Anyway, without asking us any questions, he walked past me to lean over Lee's head, still babbling on about walking hand in hand with Lord Jesus and such, and then he stopped. He stood there, looking down at her, and said, "hmmmmmmmmmm." Beat, beat, beat, beat.  "Hmmmmmmmmmmm." Beat, beat, beat. "Ummmm, uhhhhh, is she breathing?" In unison, we answered, "No, she died a half hour ago. We're waiting for the hospice nurse." Then, we turned to each other, talking with our eyes, and what our eyes said was, "CREEEEEPYYYYYY!" And we suddenly were trying not fall into a case of "Inappropriate Giggle Syndrome". How could this guy be a chaplain in a nursing home, and not know what a dead body looks like? I mean, dead-for-a-half-hour, not just-now-expired. I don't know--maybe he's a perfectly nice man who didn't expect to see newly-bereft people chatting quietly rather than sobbing and tearing their hair. Frankly, we'd already met two other chaplains; one from the nursing home, and one from hospice, who were lovely people. They talked to us, got to know a little about us and Lee, and were very tender and loving and respectful in their ministrations. This guy--he was gonna throw Jesus out on the table, and we were all gonna eat it seasoned his way, by golly!

We were both too tired to cut him any slack. Neither of us got up or said more then "Mmm-hmm?" We just watched him as he beat retreat out of the room. And then we looked at each other again, and laughed, and said together, "That was creeeeeepyyyyy."

The hospice nurse finally came, got info, called the mortuary for us, and we left. Neither of us had eaten all day, so we went to a nearby barbecue restaurant called Dillon's. I'd thought it was a steakhouse, for some reason, and had wanted a filet, but the ribs I managed to eat tasted fine, and Grand-Daughter seemed to enjoy her "dip" sandwich. The two of us just couldn't shut up the whole time we were at the restaurant, so the eating was slow.  "Two to-go boxes, please."

We said goodbye in the restaurant parking lot, loosely planning the next day's tasks. I went home and called friend Shana and asked her if she would take me out and get me drunk. Even though she had to get up at 5:30 the next morning for work, she came to get me. I hadn't had a drink in....a month and a half? more?...so after three songs and three mixed drinks at the karaoke bar, I was all sheets to the wind, and Shana poured me home, where I promptly tried to be sick. It didn't happen, but I wished it would. Shana is a good friend. She's a person who will always be there for you whenever you ask. I owe her one for taking such good care of me Tuesday night.

I believe I'll keep my distance from the alcohol again. That therapy didn't feel nearly so good as I remembered. It was just the first thing that came to mind after the very rough day. I wanted to numb up, and all I did was make myself sick.

Mixed blessings

These past few days have been both very good and very sad for me. Life is running down two tracks right now: Track 1 has improved mental health, the burgeoning bead business, and general well-being. Track 2 is Grandma Lee, and that is very sad, indeed.

Today I'll go sign the papers that will allow hospice care to start. She'll still be in the same facility, same room; there will be added services for her and for her family as she moves closer to death. I heard from the nurse on duty Sunday that Lee was refusing to take her medications. She already was refusing food and liquids. I probably would, too. They think she may have aspirated something she drank into her right lung, so she can't have anything through a straw now, and it all has to be thickened. This means she is offered icky boxed nutrient-rich milk shakes, thickened fruit drinks, and pureed foods. She refuses them all--vehemently. Her jaw clamps shut, she turns her head from side to side, and won't swallow.

She is on IV fluids to keep her hydrated, and I think there's glucose in there, too. Not much to keep a body going, even one that lies still in the bed all the time. If she keeps on as she is, she won't last much longer. If she has a change of heart and starts to accept meds (at the very least), she'll be around a while more.

Her grand-daughter is asking me if she's really at the end now, and how long do I think it's going to take... There's no way I can answer that question. Is she a lot nearer the end now? Yes. How long? If the nurses and docs won't guess, how can I?

Later:

The papers are signed, and I had a long talk with the admissions nurse for Hospice Inspiris. If they're all like her, Lee will be in good hands.

She is no longer on IV fluids, and is refusing anything by mouth. How long will she live this way? A few days, maybe. I feel so sad to see her this way.

Grandma Lee's 76th Birthday, May 2010.
Better times.

Karaoke been bery, bery good to me

Took my little jewelry show on the road last night--set up a table at the karaoke bar. There was a lot of interest, although the only people who purchased either had put in requests for certain things in previous weeks, or are friends of mine who probably would have bought something anyway. Although I love that they love my stuff, I don't want all my friends to go broke, so I really need to start selling to strangers.

The turtle necklace went, as did the black obsidian with sapphire blue glass and silver beads. I re-strung the large white lampwork beads on silver, and the lady who bought the turtle bought that, too. The set with bracelet and earrings made with unakite and porcelain beads, and a simple black choker with black beads embellished with copper sold. The purple with silver-plated beads and pendant.

Before I went, I made up an inventory sheet with a photo of the item, the item #, the length, and the price. When there was a sale, I checked it off the list with the date and who bought it. Well, I managed to get it done for everything priced $10 and up, but need to finish the less expensive items.

Six items (sets and individual pieces) sold, so I got back the money for the last beads I purchased. I'm still way behind the eight-ball in overall costs, but we aren't talking thousands of dollars here, either. I need business cards, I need price tags, and I'm going to need more beads. The young man who owns the tattoo parlor down the block from the karaoke bar said he might be interested in putting a display of my wares on consignment in the lobby of their store.

Given that it's a tattoo parlor, I'm going to have to tailor the look more towards their clientele, mostly female, with a predilection for dark colors. I'll cruise their site and some others to see what the people in the photos are wearing.

Speaking of photos, for some reason, blogger isn't letting me upload photos with this post. Will look into that to see how I can get that going again. We need illustrations, Dammit!

New Jewls

Today, I made a new resolution to make three pieces of jewelry a day for the next month. That time includes going back to work, so if I can get ahead of myself that would be a good thing. The goal is to have at least 90 pieces completed by mid-September. There must be inventory if one is to sell, especially given the broad spectrum of style and taste in costume jewelry. I'm learning to make things that don't necessarily suit me, but will be perfect for someone else. Just another step in the process of rediscovering that I am not the Center of the universe, after all.

So, here's what I made today:
(click on any photo for a larger version...use the back button on your browser to return)

#37 - Picture jasper, pewter & glass beads

This necklace is 20 1/2" long, and uses picture jasper, pewter beads, and black glass beads. The style would be appropriate for a male or a female.

20 1/2" necklace - $15

A close look at the patterns in the rock focal piece (1 1/2" x 5/8") shows why it's called picture jasper.

19" necklace and earrings - $12 for the set

#39 - Carnelian, agate and glass beads

This necklace is 19" long and is made of natural carnelian, black agate, and glass beads. The earrings are 1 1/8" long from the top of the silver-plated bead post to the bottom of the dangle.

#41 - Lapis & obsidian with mother of pearl

This 22 1/2" long necklace features a natural lapis triangle-shaped focal piece (1").

It's made of lapis and black obsidian nuggets and chips, mother of pearl chips, and glass beads.

The style is appropriate for either sex.

22 1/2" necklace - $15

#40 - Cut crystal and glass beads - red and black on silver

17 1/2" necklace and 1 1/4" dangle earrings - $10 for the set

This glass and crystal choker (17 1/2") comes with black-glass and crystal dangle earrings.

#38 - Glass with porcelain and crystal beads

This silver-color glass bead 18" necklace includes matched deep-red porcelain beads with a flower motif, and clear cut-crystal beads in between.

The toggle clasp has a decorative pattern embossed on it.

18" necklace and earrings - $10 for the set

Matching lever-back earrings have a 1" dangle.

Earrings - $3 per pair

With the exception of #2 (carnelian), all earrings are made of glass beads. Posts are silver-plated; ear wires are surgical steel.

24 Hours' Worth of New Jewelry

Three from Monday evening

I've been nattering on about getting back into making bead jewelry again, and wanted to show what I've been working on. Here are several I made last evening and tonight.

A customer asked for something with a turtle

This little guy should fit in with many casual styles
19" - $10

 

People can be vague when they are trying to describe what they'd like to have made, especially after about five beers. I do my best.

One man asked if I had anything for guys

He wants something masculine that has "sapphire blue" in it
22" - $15

When the jewelry is set out on display, there are always a couple of guys who come be to look.

In the beginning, I thought they were looking to see if there was anything they might want to buy for a gift for a girlfriend. I soon learned that they were looking for something for themselves. I need to make and stock more masculine styles.


One of those "shoppers" asked if I'd make something for him with "sapphire blue", because sapphire is his birthstone.

Sapphire blue is difficult come by in natural rock, if you don't have the money for actual sapphire.

The first necklace has black obsidian chips and natural lapis.

Second attempt at the masculine necklace with "sapphire blue"
22" - $12

The big piece with lapis looked a little feminine to me, so I tried one that's more "nuggety" for my customer.

The "sapphire" is blue glass.

Those are from last night.

Tonight, I made three smaller pieces, definitely feminine.

17" = $10 set

These are porcelain beads that have an old-fashioned Asian look to them. The color in the photo is a bit misleading. The twisted lengths between the beads are silver-lined clear glass, although they appear more yellow here.

Asian porcelain beads.

Black glass beads on black bugle beads
17 1/2" - $8

Closer view of black glass beads on black. There's a copper motif on the beads

The other two from tonight are both black, but slightly different.

This first one is black with copper motifs on the beads strung with black bugle beads.

Ceramic and glass beads with snowflake obsidian
16 1/2" - $8

Closer view

This last has larger ceramic beads and small black and gold seed beads on a silver twist background.

Suesday, er, Tuesday

Wow! This has been one of my busiest days since the trip to the Grand Canyon in early June. Energy abounds, and memory has come back enough to remind me why there were odd piles and groupings of items around the house.

Took meds at 7 p.m. last night. Fell asleep somewhere around midnight. Awakened at 8:11 this morning, ready to go, go, go.

Hit the "brew" button on the coffee pot, put on socks and sneakers (yes, with my night clothes), pushed the necessary buttons on AV equipment and did WATP 30 Minute Walk. Then it was shower and dress time, and out to the computer to verify appointment time on Google Calendar (11:45, yup), see when and for how much vocal classes were offered at Glendale Community College (not this semester...maybe next), into the hall bedroom to look at my lovely creations from last night. Back to the computer for a quick Facebook check.... ZOOM, ZOOM, ZOOM! Kind of like being on amphetamines, only not. 

When these bursts of energy and motivation hit, I have learned to take advantage of every drop of go-juice. It doesn't feel like it's coming from the medication. It feels like the medication is allowing the energy to come forth.

After seeing the therapist, stopped at the "nice" Costco up by her office to pick up stuff that's good for me (fruits and vegetables and yogurt), then back home. Put the groceries away and cleared the kitchen counters and sink again, then stood in the dining area...just breathing (see: Animal from the Muppets panting over his drum set after playing his first bit and going into his second) and looking around.

The sconces (I think that's what you'd call them) that have been on the end table in the living room (along with screws, pliers, screwdriver, boxes, etc.) since February were the first target. As you can see (green arrows), they are now up and all the miscellaneous crap has been put away.

While we're on this portion of the tour, also notice the throw pillows barricading the chairs (yellow arrows), and one of the reasons for the barricades (red arrow), Skootch. Yes, the same adorable kitten rescued four years ago last month, now working her way through all destructible portions of my living space in haphazard fashion. Skootch, the reason I finally broke down and spent $60 on a wireless headset for Skype because it was less expensive than buying a new cheap set every time she chews through the wires.

What else irked me enough to do something about it? Oh! The Christmas lights in the living room window. Okay, go ahead. Laugh. Sneer at the woman who still had colorful LEDs taped to her window frame in August. And then please remember that you weren't here to hold the top of the mini-blinds so they wouldn't fall down while I unstuck everything.

Pushing the couch out of the way was a breeze. It's the blinds that have put me off all these months. After much stretching, sweating and cursing, I got them up high enough that I could reach up underneath to get the tape off and the lights down without the whole shebang falling on my head. Everything was then painstakingly put back in place, better than before. Here are interior (before Skootch pulls the curtains aside and knocks one of the slats off-kilter so she can look out the window), and exterior views as proof that all is well. Note arrows directing your eye to more barricade materials inside, and marking the lack of droopy wires visible from outside.

Next? The CATS. Their box needed to be changed out, but their claws had to be clipped first. Otherwise, every time they use the box, the claws tear holes in the plastic liner. Kinda defeats the purpose. And, hey, while I'm holding their fuzzy, shedding bodies, might as well Furminate them, too.

I love the Furminator. I mean, they lie, it isn't shedless, but it's better than anything else I've ever used to get loose hair off an animal. Great tool. My girls don't sit as nicely as the cat in the video while I do it, so I don't get those great big clods of hair, but it works.

So, they're pedicured, Furminated, and have a clean box. What's left? Well, lots, but for right now, the family room rug needs a good vacuuming. I'm furry, too, but will take care of that after the bagless filter thingy is cleaned out--several times. Gracie is a very hairy cat. She is also a very fat cat. So, here is a photo of a very hairy, fat cat sitting on a freshly vacuumed rug.

Because that's why we have rugs: so cats will have someplace cushy to lie down when they're not on the couches. Or the chairs. Or clean laundry (if they can find it).

I'm going to trade my fuzzy clothing for some un-fuzzy clothing and find something to eat for dinner. I earned it today.

See What Happens When You Go Out of the House?

Yesterday, went to the credit union, visited Grandma Lee, and then called a friend whose home is between the nursing home and my place to see if he was around. I had the new jewelry I'd made, and wanted to show him and his mom.

As it turned out, two other friends were there, too, so I stopped by. We had a nice visit, then his parents headed out to church, and our other friends headed for home. Jim and I sat and talked (he MADE me eat a sandwich, LOL) until his Mom and Dad returned.

His Dad had backed into my car (parked in their driveway) on the way out of the garage when they left for church. They felt SO bad about it. Jim's parents are in their eighties, and constantly amaze me with their energy and interest in activities. How could I get upset, really?

The car is drivable. The driver's side door is dented and scraped, and won't open from the outside. I get in the passenger side, lean over to open the door, then get out and go around to get in. It opens fine from the inside.

The back door is damaged some, too.

We both called our insurance companies, so am just waiting to hear from adjusters. I use American Family Insurance, and Jim's family uses 21st Century. I've heard some not-so-great stories about 21st Century, and hope they will handle the claim quickly, and with a minimum of hassle.

Not too long ago, this would have thrown me into a tailspin for sure. Coping with it well gives me even more confidence that the situation between my ears is getting better.

Picked up my new eyeglasses today at Costco. Decided to try something a little more fashionable than I usually do. I've worn wire-rim or rimless glasses for a very long time. It feels like a big change to me.

I like them. I don't love this picture (no makeup, hair barely brushed), but it's the only one I have right now, so deal with it, right?

Another Week Ends

Someone on another forum mentioned mustard pickles, which set me thinking about pickles. Yeah, "Deep Thoughts", eh?

My Great-Grandmother made watermelon pickles, and they are a fond memory of my childhood. Not everyone knows what they are, and not many places carry them. When I can find them, the cost is over $4US for a jar about 1 1/2" diam x 4 1/2" high. Ridiculous. It's a good thing they're expensive, though. I would certainly eat way too many of them if they were cheap and readily available.

Still, Great-Grandma would have a real revenue opportunity were she still around today. Hers were much better than the best I can find in shops now.

A friend is about ten years older than I am, and recently bemoaned the fact that she thinks she looks older in new photos. I've been whining to myself about the same thing...and, well...poo. At least I'm here to look in the mirror, and there's less of me than there used to be. More, too, but talking the Big Picture, here. Overall, you know.

She has laid out a weekly program that includes Gym, Yoga, and Jujitzu! I'm trying to get to the point where I do the stupid walking video every morning. Hers is a great plan; exactly what would be terrific to accomplish. She is more ambitious than I, right now.

I need to plan things out more to help motivate and organize my actions. I now plan to plan.

Plan:

1. Get up by 7:00 a.m.
2. Do minimum 1/2 hour exercise video
3. Eat a breakfast of around 300 calories
4. SHOWER AND DRESS
5. Check email and other items on computer. Shut all programs and turn off the monitor
6. Get stuff together and LEAVE THE HOUSE
7. Accomplish something (today: bank deposit, Costco for items on list, treat myself to a movie?)
8. Come home and do something (today: put away groceries, empty the dishwasher, make more jewelry)
9. Take medication when the alarm signal goes off
10. Go to sleep by 11:00 p.m.

That looks okay for a daily plan. When I get to the point where I complete everything on the plan every day, I'll be doing well.

Today, I missed #1, did #2 and #3. Next is #4, and...I'll follow my plan. That would be a good thing.

Never mind...

I begged off going out with Shana and her friend this evening. The Sleep Thing.


The theory that I wake up 12 hours after taking the pills (fall asleep 4 hours after taking them) bore up this morning. I want to push up the time to 7:30 p.m. to see whether it works again. If I go out, I can't take the pills, and vice-versa. In the great scheme of things, testing this seems a more important undertaking than a night at Dave and Buster's.

Bless Shana's heart for being so cool with it, and me. Again.

Right now, I'm eating dinner (cold chicken breast and whole wheat bread spread with artichoke bruschetta stuff) and catching up with Season 5 of "Weeds". When it's done, there are more bead designs calling.

Oh, and I did the dishes today. All of them.

Oops

Made four jewelry sets plus two extra pairs of earrings. Knew it was time for a break when the last necklace, although it looked lovely, would not clasp behind my neck. There was a male piece on each end.

Maybe I should hang onto it until after I get together with my karaoke bunch again. I'm sure the guys would get a kick out of my "gay" necklace.

  

Oh, Sue...

Back to the Straight and Narrow (don't I wish)

I slacked off exercise for a week, and am feeling the lack--especially when I stand on the scale. Did Muscle Mile One (my "sissy" routine) on WATP. My legs feel really good now that they've worked just a bit. So, that's 20 minutes. Beats 0 minutes.

The past two days have been almost worthless in terms of productivity and/or progress. Too much time playing on the computer, too little time doing things. No computer games today.

Shana said something about going out with her and another friend of hers tonight. I'd get to be the DD, which is fine. I'd prefer not to go to bed too late, but it might be worth it just to get out.

Also need to go to the bank. What else? Maybe to Costco. I made a list this time.

Right now? Make a jewelry set. Have something to show for the day besides this post. I'll probably vacuum, too, but the results of that won't show two days from now, either. So, first, do something concrete.

Der Motorvaterr

Had a therapy appointment this afternoon, and therefore had something to prod me away from the computer and into the shower to start getting dressed to go out.

The appointment was at 1:15, and it takes 20-25 minutes to get there. I woke up around 9:45. Did I accomplish anything between awakening and noon? No. Not really. Damn You, FACEBOOK!!!!

It turned out there wasn't enough time to stop at the bank on the way, so I need to bring two weeks' worth with me next Tuesday. I hate when I do that. On the other hand, there is another paycheck between now and then. Was there subconscious motivation (or de-motivation) involved? Thank goodness she was kind enough to let it ride for a week. She knows I'm good for it.

OS decided a change was called for on his birthday yesterday. He went from having below-shoulder-length hair to cue ball last evening. That was something it was better for me to experience from a distance and after the fact. From the facebook photos, it looks like it might have been more intense than I could have handled well.

Went to the nursing home to visit GL. She was out like a light when I got there at 2:25. I woke her up and we were just beginning to talk when her therapist (cognitive--Mandy) showed up. GL needs Mandy more than me right now. I can go back later in the week. At this point, I don't know if she'd notice if I didn't show up at all. I'll go anyway, though.

An Exercise in Civic Duty

A summons for jury duty came sometime in May, ordering appearance at the Maricopa County Superior Court on July 6th. Oh HELL no. Vacation time was scheduled--not going then. A one-time 60- or 90-day postponement is offered, and at the time it looked like August 9th would be good. It wouldn't interfere with work or personal stuff.  I filled out the form and mailed it in.

I'd forgotten all about it when I received the updated one in the mail in July. In July, I was not entirely resident in my own mind, but (or, therefore) couldn't follow the instructions to get a doctor's excuse form printed, filled out by my doctor, and faxed to them. SOooooooooo, I called after 4:30 pm on Friday (actually, yesterday) to check whether my group (8500) had been released, or whether I was still required to go downtown. That message instructed me to call AGAIN today after 11 a.m. to see whether I had to show up for the afternoon.

I did, and I did.

Gathered my disability approval from work, and the last doctor's affidavit sent to the company, my library book and purse (have to put it on the list sometimes--memory's not all they way better, yet). I was prepared to explain it to the judge (in private, maybe?).

As it turned out, after my 1 p.m. arrival and check-in, they called two HORDES of jurors (50 in the first, 125 in the second) to go through the selection process, and my name never came up. That's a good thing. I sat and read for two hours (which I would have done here, anyway), and am now off the hook for another 18 months. I was a little irked about having to get dressed and drive downtown and park and all, but it really wasn't that big a deal.

I've served on two juries in the past ten or twelve years, and was the foreman on one of them (hated it). Otherwise, it's just "show up every couple of years when they call you" and go home with my proof of service paper. If there must be jury trials, someone has to show up. It can't be all retirees and the unemployed filling those chairs. I'm not sure that anyone really is tried by a jury of his/her peers, though. If you're a criminal, aren't your peers criminals, too?

I'm just sayin'.

A Very Good Day

Over the past few weeks (or is it months?), getting the right amount of sleep has been troublesome. Without meds, 5 hours. With meds, up to 20 out of 24. I'm dancing alone the dosage line, trying to find the sweet spot. It is elusive, but I may be close to it now. Either that, or I'm not feeling the sleep deficit because I can nap whenever it's needed here at home. There are three weeks to figure this out. So far as I know, I'm back to work around September 1 if things keep improving at the current rate.

Last night, I saw what 1:30 am looks like again, but had the alarm set for 7:15. After slapping the snooze button many, many times, I got up a bit before 8.

I could have sworn the flyer said the JC Penney Outlet Store sale started at 9:00, but there were people standing around outside at 9:30. That provided an opportunity to find coffee and breakfast.

Big Ol' Recommendation: Subway has breakfast sandwiches now. They use scrambled whole eggs or just the whites, and you can have cheese, Black Forest Ham, veggies, etc. Also you have a choice of a sandwich bread or a low fat, whole wheat English Muffin.

The calories for egg whites and cheese on the English Muffin were listed as 150. None of the egg white/English muffin combos were more than 190 calories. Compare that to the calories for McDonald's breakfast sandwiches (don't get me started on Burger King and Jack in the Box), and you have a good reason to stop at a Subway if there's one in your area.

I skipped cheese and had egg whites and a slice of Black Forest ham, and a BIG cup of coffee. I felt good--not overly full--and very self-satisfied for being such a good girl.

Did a brisk once-around circuit of Arizona Mills for a bit of exercise before going to shop.

Bought 3 pairs of leggings (one brown), 1 pair of tan jeans and three blouses at Penney's. The weight gain over this past couple of months has left me with very few outfits that could be worn to work (or outside the house, for that matter). While I can zip up my size 14s if I lie on my back on the bed and hold my breath the rest of the day, they are just too uncomfortable, and cut into my body in very obvious and unattractive ways. Slide on a slightly-too-tight blouse over that and you really have a look that says "I've got it goin' ON," meaning a new layer of fat...on my hips and belly.

I have everyday stuff I can wear out to the supermarket: jeans and shorts and loose t-shirts. However, I need to be presentable on a more consistent basis. Thus, my trip back into No-Man's Land for looser clothing. Only the tan jeans are actually a "size" larger (16), everything else is still the XLs I'd been wearing, but of a more forgiving cut. The tunic-over-leggings look has come back at the perfect time for me. The legs look slim, and the long tops cover a multitude of sins. Note to self: Find a pair of ballet flats with an arch in them.

I'm headed back to where I was, weight-wise. I just need to be not naked while I get there again.

Next stop after the outlet mall was Costco to find and order a new pair of eyeglasses. If I'm not mistaken, the little beauties I chose are Oleg Cassini (these, but black), and très chic. They make a huge change in my "look", so it will be interesting to hear and see the reactions when they're ready in about 2 weeks.

While in Costco, one must buy at least a few items in great bulk. For me, this time, it was fruit. I have lots and lots of fruit which may even last the week: strawberries, cherries, golden mangoes, cantaloupe and watermelon...Also veal cutlets, shrimp won ton soup, whole-wheat-high-fiber-low-calorie bread, thinly sliced herb-roasted turkey breast, and a huge veggie tray to pick at during the week when the munchies hit.

I like the new clothes--I just don't want to have to wear them. Let them be a choice, and I'm good with that.

Added happy note: Got a call from Auntie this afternoon. She got a new job! Yayyyy! Mazel Tov, Pam! (knock wood, touch red).

What Baseball, you say?

I forgot to put the part in about going to a baseball game tonight in my post this morning, so the headline made absolutely no sense at all. Which, come to think of it, is perfectly in sync with the rest of my life.

The Diamondbacks played the Washington Nationals, and were thoroughly trounced. My friend and I left at the bottom of the 7th inning when the score was 7-1. While we were at a nearby restaurant eating dinner (at 10:30 p.m.), the good ol' D-Backs scored another run.

It's a good thing I don't go to the ballpark with all kinds of emotion wrapped around "our" team winning. It makes enjoying the vibe easier. Basketball is good, too...just different; more intense. I think I'm not ready for basketball, yet.

Baseball? Did someone say baseball?

Yesterday was very productive (relatively speaking, of course).

Started out with 1/2 hour Walk Strong Express DVD routine, so got a dose of righteousness in right up front.

Went for annual mammogram, then to store to buy fruit and veggies for me, and several small treats for Grandma Lee. Had remembered to put the quilt that's been sitting in my closet for almost a year into the car late on Monday, so she got that, too.

So, onward to the nursing home. They hadn't done her laundry in at least a week. It seems it slipped everyone's minds in all the shifting around they did with her, that I was no longer taking care of it...never mind the note in the chart and the five inventory sheets from Housekeeping. The room REEKED from it. Got that straightened out, and the nasty, dirty clothes disappeared *POOF!* in an instant. Don't be cuttin' your eyes at ME, Nurse Lady. I'M doing my job, here. Read the papers in the FOLDER.

She was fresh from the shower and settling in to "watch TV", which usually means "fall asleep". Between needing the oxygen right now, and the Seroquel, she gets sleepy a LOT. I have raised my concerns with the Nurse Practitioner so she will re-evaluate meds and dosage, etc. She enjoyed the treats and her new coverlet, so there were smiles as I said goodbye.

While I was there, picked up the check which reimburses my out-of-pocket expenses for the past year. It was a sizable chunk of change, so the credit union was the next stop. There's a Cost Plus World Market in the same plaza, and cruising the aisles there is like taking a mini-vacation for me. Came out with decaf coffee, sugar-free black cherry Italian syrup, artichoke bruschetta spread, 2 mini bottles of Pinot Grigio (so I have something in the house to offer a guest), a photo frame, and a few other things that escape me right now.

Went to Costco to renew my old membership, and bought gas while there ($2.639/gal, in case anyone cares)

I've already forgotten what else I did, or where else I stopped, which tells you how well my mind is working. 

Spoke with the psychiatrist on the phone, and he told me to adjust meds +1 on one pill and -1 on another. I should keep track and let him know in a few days if it's any better.  I wrote myself a note and stuck it to the bathroom mirror. So far, so good.

First Monday of August

The massage yesterday was very, very good. The aching in my back seems to be coming from lying down, asleep, so much. I'm fighting sleep now, and it looks like it will be a close contest.

No crying anymore...none at all, but not much of anything else, either. Motivation is practically nil. Something needs to change. My mind yells at my body to move, MOVE, and still I sit here.